


The Tale Of One Bad Rat

by ladymidath



Category: The X-Files
Genre: Angst, Domestic Discipline, M/M, Pre-Slash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2006-07-17
Updated: 2006-07-17
Packaged: 2018-11-20 10:01:57
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,596
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11333520
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ladymidath/pseuds/ladymidath
Summary: Alex reflects through emails





	The Tale Of One Bad Rat

**Author's Note:**

> Note from alice ttlg, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [The Basement](http://fanlore.org/wiki/The_Basement), which moved to the AO3 to ensure the stories are always available and so that authors may have complete control of their own works. To preserve the archive, I began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in June 2017. I e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [The Basement's collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/thebasement/profile).
> 
>  **Author's notes:** Warning:Spanking

  
Author's notes: Warning:Spanking  


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The Tale Of One Bad Rat

## The Tale Of One Bad Rat

### by Lady Midath

##### [Story Headers]

  


March  
This is the tale of one bad rat. A very bad rat. One that stole, lied cheated and worse, betrayed his friends. It's not an easy tale to tell, but I am going to try anyway. 

I know that here are no excuses for the things that I've done and I knew exactly what I was doing. But why did I do these things, these terrible things? Was it a bad childhood? Did my father leave me when I was a child? Did my mother abuse me? No, not at all. My parents were good loving people. They worked hard and gave me the best upbringing that they could manage on their meager wages. So if my badness was not due to bad parents and a childhood of deprivation, then what was it? 

Stupidity. Pure and simple, just plain old fashioned stupidity. 

And that is the truth. Sure I could stand here and make excuses, make up lies, anything to save my sorry ass but why bother? I can tell by the look in your eyes that you wouldn't believe me anyway. And why should you? 

You know the truth. Maybe not all of it, but enough to know that it's all my fault. Mea culpa. The fault is mine...it is my fault. 

I can imagine you reading this and rolling your eyes. Oh yeah, like the rat bastard is really sorry for what he's done. Sure, and are the pigs flying yet? Is it snowing in Hell? Sure thing, and there goes Satan sailing past on his new ice skates. 

Now you are smirking. Smart ass, I'm sure you're thinking if not saying it out loud. But I'm not trying to be a smart ass, what I'm trying to do is explain before it's too late. If it's not already. 

But let me begin at the beginning. After all, isn't that usually how it's done? I want to tell you the reasons for the things that I have done. I think you deserve that if nothing else. I just want to be as honest with you as you were once with me. I owe you that much at least. 

So where to begin. 

I guess it all started the day I met CGB Spender. You and Skinner know him as The Smoking Man, or That Black Lunged Bastard. I only knew him as Spender back then. When I still had my innocence. I can remember the day I first met him. It was Autumn. I can recall that much. I had just started college. The first in my family to go. God, what a cliche huh. Son of immigrant parents makes good but it's the truth and I am not ashamed of it. 

I can still see the looks on their faces when I left their house in...well, never mind that. They are both gone now. They died last year. Dad first, a heart attack. I knew that Mum would not be able to go on for long without him. He had been her world you see. He had been all she'd had, apart from me. She died a couple of months later. A massive stroke, but I think it was a broken heart. But I will never forget the look of pride on their faces. Their son was going to be a somebody. A doctor maybe, or a lawyer. That's what they had both wanted for me and I had let them down. 

I guess that's the one thing I can't forgive myself for. For letting my parents down, after all, they deserved better. But at least I can take comfort in the fact that they never knew the truth about their only child. 

But I am digressing. 

I met Spender on the college campus. It turns out that he had been there scouting talent. A college professor had actually recommended me to Spender. Can you beat that? Turns out that the Prof worked for the Consortium and often helped Spender find new talent to recruit for the Cause. 

It seems that in return, the Prof was given special privileges reserved for those high up in the Consortium. He retired a few years back. Dean of the college and with a closet full of honours and shit. It figures, the world can truly be an unjust place at times. 

But then you already knew that, didn't you. 

I didn't trust Spender, I have to say that in my defense at least. I didn't trust him but he had a way of being so...shit I can't think of another word for it. Plausible is the word that keeps coming to mind. 

I remember a friend of my mother's from years ago. An English lady that worked as a housekeeper for a wealthy family. She used to visit my mother and they would drink that strong black tea that Mum used to make. That was the word that this lady used to describe anyone that she didn't trust. 'I don't like him, he's too...plausible. My mother would nod her head in agreement even though her English wasn't that great and I don't think that she quite understood what her friend was saying. 

But that seems to be the word that described Spender perfectly. Plausible and oily. So damned smooth and here I was, just a kid. I had no idea of the big bad world. I was just starting out, I still trusted people. I still believed that dreams could come true. 

But that was soon knocked out of me and all too soon I started seeing the world...the real world for what it really was. 

So now you are thinking to yourself. When he going to cut the crap and get to the freaking point? 

Okay, okay. I will right now. I didn't mean to go on a self pitying trip down memory lane but I couldn't help it. To explain the things I've done, I have to explain the thing that I am. Does that sound like complete crap to you? If it does I'm sorry, but I need to get this out. I need to have at least one person know the truth and I need to have at least one person know how sorry I am. 

What I am trying to say is...I'm sorry Mulder. I never meant to get in this deep and I sure as hell never meant to hurt you. You are the only one that I have ever gotten close to. That I was ever allowed to get close to. In my line of business, you can't afford to have friends. They are all too willing to betray you and too quick to leave you twisting in the wind. That was another lesson I learned the hard way. I still have the scars to show for it. 

But back to that fateful day when my life changed forever. God, I can still recall every detail. I can remember the colour of his suit and the way his cigarette stank on his breath. I can still see the colour of the trees, the reds and the golds and the browns standing out in sharp contrast against the bright blue sky. The way the leaves fell and crunched under foot when I walked down the footpath on my way to classes. I can still recall how sweet the air smelt and how happy I had been. 

Spender hired me that day. He had explained to me that he needed an assistant. Someone smart and willing to work hard. Nothing too difficult or time consuming, he had assured me, and the money he was offering was too good to turn down. It had been enough to pay for my entire college education. 

I had grown up poor. How could I have turned that kind of money down? It was more than enough to see to my needs and I would have been able to send some home as well. After all the years that Mum and Dad had sacrificed for me. Finally I was able to give something back to them. So I took the job. 

And it was a good job...at first. Easy, some research here and there. Some errands, packages to be delivered. The typical gofer stuff that most interns do, and I was still able to stay in college. At the time I thought I had the perfect deal going. But you know what they say about deals with the devil. 

When notes come due, they come due in brimstone. 

I had been working for Spender for a while when he decided that it was time for me to move up in the world. A promotion, he called it and I guess that was exactly what it was. A promotion. 

By this time, I was growing tired of college. It just didn't seem important to me any more. I think Spender saw this and decided to use it to his advantage. 

That was when the old spider started drawing me into his web. I was so young and so fucking...hungry that I allowed myself to be drawn in...ensnared I suppose. And by the time I finally woke up and realized what was happening, it was too late. 

I remember the morning he summoned me to his office and told me that he had plans for me. That was when I discovered that he was sending me to a special Consortium facility to be trained as his foot soldier and personal assistant. 

I know I could have refused, but by this time I was in way too deep. I had seen what Spender did to those that disappointed him. I had seen the depths of this man's corruption and cruelty. By this time I had learned to fear him...and hate him. Oh god, how I had learned to hate him. 

So I went to the facility. I had written to my parents-telling them that I was going overseas. An exchange student program, and they believed me. But by then, the lies came easy. It was the truth that was becoming harder, well for me anyway. 

But now it is time I faced the truth. You see I need to. I've been hiding in the shadows for too long. I want to step out into the open. I want to feel the sun on my face. It's been so long since I have been able to feel free. 

I guess the real reason I am sending this to you Mulder is because I'm so tired. I don't want to live like this any more. I need someone to help me be a human being again. It's been so long now that I can't remember what it was like not to hate and be hated. To fear and be feared. I just want to be myself again, and for that, I need someone to guide me. Someone like you. 

This is the place where I will be tonight, it's not far from where you live. This is where I will wait, and if you do decide that I am worth something, then I will finally have some hope. And if not...well, there is one bullet in this gun that I have sitting on the table beside me. But either way, I will find the path that I am destined to walk. 

September 

Do you remember when I told you a tale of one bad rat? The rat who lied and cheated and betrayed his friends. The rat who hid in the shadows and was too afraid to come out into the light. 

Well, I'm no longer that rat, not since the night when you and Walter came charging into my apartment like a couple of half assed knights in shining armour. Only in your case, Armani. I can still recall the look on your faces when you saw me sitting on that crappy old black sofa with my Sig pressed up underneath my chin. 

I couldn't believe how calmly Walter walked over and plucked the gun from my fingers. Then before I even had time to take a breath, I found myself dangling face down across his lap. 

I had been hit before, hell I have taken beatings that have landed me in the hospital. But nothing had prepared me for the spanking that he administered then. I had never been spanked before so it was a whole new and to be perfectly honest, fucking scary experience for me. 

So there I was, over Walter's knee with my jeans yanked down and having my bare ass tanned within an inch of my life while I was kicking and cursing you both out. After all, the plan was to be rescued, not spanked like a naughty two year old. I felt so humiliated, but then I felt you take my hands in yours. You just held them and all the while you were looking at me with such kindness and sympathy. I think that was when I felt something break inside me. 

I wept then, not because of the pain in my backside, although by this time it was stinging like hell. But because at that moment, I knew I was no longer alone. 

By this time Walter must have decided that I'd had enough. He lifted me up and I felt myself cradled in his arms. It had been so long since I had been held by someone. It had been so long since I had been loved. 

That night you both took me home, Jesus, what a sight that must have been. Me clinging to Walter while you were hovering and looking so anxious. 

The car trip back to Walter's condo was hell on my sore ass, but I no longer cared. All that mattered was that I was with the two men that I loved. 

So here we are now, months later. Walter sold the condo and bought a house for the three of us. I remember how you joked about suburban respectability. But the three of us settled in. Walter plans on retiring from the Bureau next year and I know that you want to leave so that you can continue your work without being hampered by Kersh and the rest. 

It hasn't been all plain sailing. There have been times when I have doubted, when I have turned away from you both. When I have been close to falling. But you and Walter have always been there to set my feet back on the path. Even if it has meant having my ass spanked. I know that afterward, you are both there to hold me, to make love to me and make me feel that I am worth something. 

And me? What of the bad rat, the one that lived in the shadows, the one that lied and cheated and betrayed the ones he cared about. The one that had lived on the outside for so long that he could no longer remember what it was like to be human. What of him? Is he happy? Is he content? 

I think you know the answer to that. 

I know I do. 

**END**

  
 

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Title:   **The Tale Of One Bad Rat**   
Author:  Lady Midath   [email/website]   
Details:   **Standalone**  |  **NC-17**  |  **12k**  |  **07/17/06**   
Pairings:  Mulder/Skinner/Krycek   
Category:  Pre-slash, Angst, Domestic Discipline   
Summary:  Alex reflects through emails   
Notes:  Warning:Spanking   
  
  
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